Crouching tiger, coding monkey

The last few days I’ve been spending some quality time with my friend Shark doing a lot of performance testing. I actually kind of like that sort of work. I also have a feeling I was dropped a lot as a child.

Anyhow, as I was running some scenarios I had a bit of an epiphany. In fact, the more I thought about it the more I was amazed that I hadn’t thought of this before.

C++ is the Millennium Falcon.

Remember that childhood head trauma bit? Seems fitting right about now doesn’t it. Let’s look at a comparison though.

Are they both fast?

• C++: My Shark tests say so and people always ask if Java can be as fast as C++.
• Falcon: It did make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs after all.

Are they both ugly looking?

• C++: It’s no Perl, but I wouldn’t expect it to win any beauty pageants soon.
• Falcon: Wikipedia says it was inspired by a hamburger with an olive beside it. A hamburger.

Are they both powerful?

• C++: Piles and piles and piles of C++ code run all over the world on about every platform imaginable.
• Falcon: It blew up Death Star #2.

Note: I admit that blowing up Death Star #2 isn’t really as impressive as it sounds. The first Death Star mission was repeatedly labeled as suicide and was only successful because of the intervention of a quasi-religious miracle. The second one had what amounted to a four lane highway built in leading to the biggest “Don’t hit me here or I’ll explode” target since King Hippo.

That all being said, it was still a noteworthy accomplishment.

Do they both fail in spectacular ways at the worst possible time?

• C++: It’s author has said, “In C++ it’s harder to shoot yourself in the foot, but when you do, you blow off your whole leg.”
• Falcon: Routinely shuts down requiring a reboot by punching the doorframe.

Do they both have big, hairy, incomprehensible partners?

• Falcon: Chewbacca the Wookie.
• C++: The STL.

You have to admit, the similarities are pretty startling.

Oh, and Han shot first.